Jacob

I havent seen him for 11 months, not bitrthday no hello, its all the way no merci with this one

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This is just a little blog about Jacob, I havent seen him in nearly 12 months now and its just one of those situations where this boy is going to be going through hell. His mother is a malignant narcissist and they take the kids sp they csn abuse them. They have no feelings for them. When she cuts access there is no contact and she isnt able to speak about them

Jacob was nearly 2 the last time i seen him. He is nearly 3 now, he only lives a couple of kilometers away and his kindergarten is just around the corner. There is a reason for that and its not his fault, Its not his mothers fault, she has a disorder. So i guess its my fault. Either way if it doesn’t get sorted he is going to be the one who suffers most. He lives on in my memory and inspires me to keep fighting.

Its like he was taken from my life yesterday still. He was the virtually the opposite of his brother Nathan with the same beautiful heart, love for life and each other. Nathan was an easy kid to as a baby, but Jacob was just no trouble at all. He was always super happy and it was all day, Huge smiles when he saw you,  you put him down to bed, give him his bunny and walk away,  he would always do his own thing and every object he had to discover it himself.

 

You try and show him something, but he wanted to try and work it out himself. He had no fear either, Nathan had always been real careful, Jacob would jump in the pool if you wern’t watching, fall down the steps and slam his fingers in any draw.  Everything had to go in his mouth. Dog food, screws, marbles, paper but he never swallowed anything. After a while you didn’t even worry about him choking. You could come home from the playground and he would have a load of bark still in his mouth and you would only notice when he spit it out to put more food in there and he knew it was wrong and laugh. He would eat anything and you couldn’t just grab a something and eat it yourself, he didn’t miss nothing when it come to food. No baby could out eat little Jacob. But he was tiny. Healthy and strong, naturally skinny and didn’t look that small but was bottom 3%weight range. The one thing that was more important than anything though, me, his brother, food, sleep was going to the toilet.

Around when he was 6 months he was always constipated, he could spend the whole day trying to poop and i was his go to when he was trying all day, Crawling all over me and pushing and concentrating until finally so exhausted he would fall asleep and wake and keep pushing. She would always say thing like he has a cold or a fever, while it was the most obvious thing in the world the problem. Time after time we went to the doctors and if she took him she would get him treated for a cold and he never had one even. It was just mind boggling so i was just in charge of anything Jacob as it was just easier

First thing in the morning, you would put him down and he would go over to where the toys were and and the dog (shaya)and go about his business. Nathan knew there was no point interupting, the dog some how knew to just lay there dead still while Jacob climbed all over her, pulling and pushing until the job was done. By then everything was done, you were ready for work, Nathan was ready, feed Jacob and change, done.

I’m a happy bloke, but its more an internal thing, mum was never looking happy, and there was Jacob, no trouble and always so happy and showing it. I was always working and looking after the kids and dealing with all her dramas till the point of exhaustion and you see this boy smiling and there was no exhaustion. The picture where he is smiling on his first birthday with the candle, was the first time he was sick, he just vomited and then its straight back to smiling.

Another thing that was really noticable was how strong he was for a tiny kid. His hands were super strong. He would hold on real tight with me. Could pull your arm and chest hair right out. Would have Nathan in all sorts if he grabbed a clump of his hair. And from the earliest of ages could handle Nathan being a bit rough. He would also always want to be with me and watch that i wasn’t going to go anywhere, i would sneak out and not just show my head and ever walk out on him, he couldn’t handle it.

While Jacob was going good Nathan had gone from good to virtually a mental stand still, no confidence, couldn’t think and just so confused he didn’t know what to do and was mimicking everything a 1 year old boy did. It was so serious i took him out of kindie, cut back on the work to get him right again, he was my focus, and Jacob was with me all the time and happy enough.

But as the year wore on Jacob was getting more clingy, he was holding on tighter and me coming home was a kid just over happy, barging Nathan and the dog out of the road. I just thought, that’s nice and not give it any thought. But Jacob was trying to tell me something was not right, and it was so obvious, but what he was trying to say was not getting through. I had been trying to get her help, virtually protecting the kids, trying to work out what was wrong with her, asking friends , what am i going to do, she is off the charts abusive even has no heart, but you are only human and you just think the mum loves the boy,  You see the breast feeding, you see him getting fed and all the other stuff doesn’t equate in your mind that there is something going on when your not there. But before she took the kids and everything started to add up and she was exactly like this disorder in every way, all Jacobs actions from even 6 months old were of a kid trying to tell me something. He was the first one to work it out. Nathan was a bit scared but more confused, where as Jacob was knew something wern’t right and was doing his best to tell me with out being able to talk. And this disorder is the worst kind of child abuse there is and while its not nice what they do to there first child, what they do to the second is down right evil and sadistic. You wouldn’t think its even possible to mentally abuse a child at 6 months

But with out noticing Jacob smile had gone after his first birthday, he was happy to be with me so i didn’t notice as much, but all the secret pictures she took of the boys showed Jacob happy up till his first birthday and then no more smiles, none and thousands of pics looking anything but happy

 

What is virtually impossible to understand is that the boys get abused completely differently so i’m also driven in two different ways to to get them before its too late. Jacob to people will get more abused, and will have all sorts of mental illness but he wont every be in kind broken. He will be like all the seriously mentally ill people with a good heart still. The kind of people i try an help. Nathan will be broken and be an abuser. These video might seem on the surface just odd and i’m leaving out all the Jacob feasis pics but its stuff not done to Nathan

So its nothing like a normal break up this, or a real bad one. Its a complete cut out of there lives with out reason. They loose there dad and virtually there protector, they get told that he does want to see them anymore, if he goes there the witches will get me, that he wont give mummy any money so we cant eat, Nathan gets taught how to abuse little Jacob, not to tell anyone or they will never see there daddy.

Jacob was still 1 when i seen him last, i went to the kindergarten and picked him up after 25 days of zero access,  He could barely recongnize me, I was totally within my rights to do this i found out, and i even told the police, She called them after an hour and i went down to her place with the police. He came to get him and he went to her, its all he knows for the last 25 days and he is one, but he instantly turned around and tried to get away and screamed daddy over and over until he went back inside. The police said it was lock up next time despite i didn’t do anything wrong. Since then his second birthday, christmas and 9 months of not so much of an update. I have video of abuse and despite every avenue been taken no one will even look at the video. Its secretly taken, its where i seen Jacobs first step the first time she took the kids. A disorder that doesn’t have feelings and can be easily seen if someone was even to ask simple questions, she simply just cant answer any thing about the kids, they are purely possession to abuse to feed her own ego. What is someone supposed to do in this situation, How could i possibly give up on a boy who never gave up and did all he can to warn me, If i give up the fight there will be no one then. Like all the life long child abuse in the past that is just part of my life now, its just ignored. A super rare senario of there being evidence and i have so much more doesn’t in australia anyway even have a process where it is looked at. To stop fighting and give up isn’t an option, It would effect me so much mentally that i couldn’t live with myself. Writing this is my way of coping and awareness of child abuse and awareness of disorders that are the main reason long term child abuse and mental illness exist

 

 

 

 

 

Author: Linking up the mind emotions abuse illness and recovery

Sydney Australia, My blog is about what i have learned and been through emotionally when you loose you kids to a disorder that goes way beyond the realms of what is possible to believe. It looks into what comes after psychopathy and to a place i consider the end. It is a fight that doesn't end until the kids are safe and loosing is not an option. I blog so people can understand how certain disorders cause wide spread suffering and mental illness to many. I write constantly to get the emotion and thought out of my system. Bottling up what im going through is not an option. I come from a world where there was no suffering and no understanding of mental illness and the spectrum of psychopathy into a world of child abuse, manipulation and broken people that cause suffering and they enjoy it. I blog about abuse, i blog about the system, i blog about the evidence i have , i blog about psychopathy type disorders, i blog about how abuse causes mental illness and current methods of recovery being irrelevant. I encourage comment and conversation and a raised awareness to my two boys who are going through what is considered the worst know abuse known to man. MALIGNANT NARCISSISTIS ABUSE. The one known evil. It doesn't tell the truth ever, it doesn't believe its doing anything wrong, but waits till doors are shut and goes about it, then comes out like all people who abuse children. Like nothing happened. What people dont seem to ever understand is that psychopaths don't walk around with a big sign pointing out there crimes. They never did. You cant spot em, you wont even know someone that knows one. But everyone knows more than one. They are everywhere they just blend in. But i know how to spot em, its easy and it has nothing to do with there look or there eyes

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