Im so sick of my family calling me a fat cu@t, when will it all stop…

That’s a bit rough isn’t it, being called a fat cunt from you own family. And not just just once or one person, the whole lot of em. No bloody wonder she has anxiety and depression and she still a kid at school.
I thought, that’s not right saying cu@t in that spot, and I can slip this word into my prayers before bed. Thanks cu@t, I say. And he sweet with that and around the boys its part of vocabulary, and its never been discussed in history as its just known that you ease off with the word in a lot of situations and then drop it completely when you get to the stage of a child. I don’t know how old she is, she is a school kid. She has a psychiatrist, psychologist, school councillor and of course there are teachers and friends and none of them do anything to help her.
Also she would of created a fake profile to get into a big support group, where she gets support, this helps a bit and when I first met Jessica and its not her name, there were 200 messages of support and then im able to write some messages that interest her and everyone else doesn’t matter and when she starts to struggle she just says hello and we have a little chat..
Its because she has been crying out for somone to understand her, and even this low level abuse that is the bottom of the range from what my ex partner does is easy peasy to understand/ To get up to being able to understand the effects of it, isn’t in the scope of even psychiatrist can understand…
Whole sections of psychiatry are dedicated to teen suicide and not doing a thing, there tearing there hair out and pumping the money into it and there not even close to saving a girl.. She will go to therapy and they will be trying to understand her and when they understand something then there brain will relate to what they can understand and it will be the one thing that doesn’t mate like, whats “the dogs name” .
Here are some comments and I will post mine as well see if you understand//..  the support is good for people, but they don’t understand themselves either


SUPPORT COMMENT What are you? 5 years old?

SUPPORT COMMENT Fat is normal…what if ppl call you crazy, that really reached inside

SUPPORT COMMENT Fat is defined differently across countries, you can be quite skinny by many different definitions and still be called fat :/ In China the girls are so skinny, only a few pounds into normal weight here in the USA and they will be considered “fat.” The world is strange.

SUPPORT COMMENT Just ignore them, whether you’re fat, black, white, skinny, short or anything is what you are. For as long as you’re a good guy/girl, who cares about that

JESSICAIn my house, having about one muffin is considered being fat or not going for a walk cuz of assessment being due & cuz I have no motivation is considered fat

SUPPORT COMMENT 1 muffin? I’m lucky I can eat the whole Costco chocolate chip muffin pack XD

JESSICA I’m far from the sporty type even though I’m good at sports. I’ve got a home workout already (set up by my therapist) yes I’m still in school but I’m nearly finished.

SUPPORT COMMENT If you are graduating this year, congrats.
SUPPORT COMMENT If not, then find an after school summer sport (best time to start)
SUPPORT COMMENT to lose weight you dont really need to too much exercise…what you really need is a change of diet. Reduce carbs and sweets

JESSICA—- I hardly eat anyway.

JESSICA—I’m graduating next year. I’m already doing an animal studies course which I’ll get my certificate next year if I make it there

SUPPORT COMMENT i guess you think that you’re fat… Dont worry about it much, every now and then we all put in some weight anyway…and then other times we also lose some too

SUPPORT COMMENT That’s great, you’re almost done
Take advantage of the forced exercise, you can still replace PE with an after sport if you aren’t too loaded with AP/college courses….

JESSICA—Im not fat I don’t think.. im 60kg 168cm

SUPPORT COMMENT That’s not fat im 60kg too, and im not fat

SUPPORT COMMENT When you get away from your family

SUPPORT COMMENT “When you are financially capable of moving out.”

SUPPORT COMMENT Sometimes ppl call other ppl fat because they look offence in that actually

JESSICA—Oh. I can/will in 2 years

Neil Pheeney Jess, listen up.. that whats called filthy rotten mental abuse… in your case its filthy child abuse

Neil Pheeney if you want to go into it we can discuss your mum or dad, as there will be a problem there, no one hit the daughter with this kind of filth unless there is something seriously with them..

Neil Pheeney its puk, but I call this abuse, custom abuse… its custom made to cause the most damage to your mind with the least effort. Not even trying to be sneaky just pounding away repitision style in the same spot trying do mess you up

Neil Pheeney you just here it and hear it, brainwash style, your brain cant process it so it goes round and round in your head and it should feel really horrible to you’’’’’’ they are you emotions getting message as from your brain that they don’t like over and over and over,,,,,,, and they don’t like these sort of messages,,,,,,,, they like nice things,,,, and truth,,,, not lies and filth,,,,,, and from your mum and dad,,,, I cant imagine how painful that is for your poor emotions

Neil Pheeney your young and still got time at home, assume its going to keep happening,

Neil Pheeney its abuse girl, when you hear it, you look at em and start to work out what is wrong with them to say such filth… they might not be even able to help it,,, there not rational, so there is no point responding back with any thing rational, it wont work.. you save that rational for your own good self to keep you mind from exploding ok..

Emily Smith Oh ok

Neil Pheeney JESSICA—R U OK,,, should I stop

JESSICA no I think you are right, it is how I feel… im just sitting here and I feel really nice at the moment

Neil Pheeney Yeah, that’s your brain being able to function and not thinking filth over and over…. It awesome that feeling… should be like a a srreal kind of feeling… will never forget it…….. you know it not true what that say don’t you


Neil Pheeney JESSICA—Jessica your on my list of favourite people ..
JESSICA—–Im so tired its 4 am and have not slept for 2 days

Neil Pheeney omg…….You’re an Aussie, me to… close your eyes and enjoy that feeling, see you around

SUPPORT COMMENT I got an idea for some cardio

SUPPORT COMMENT So keep going and hit the diet

SUPPORT COMMENT the medication will make you fat, and you cant get thin again, idont know what to do im 200 pounds and used to be 120 pounds

SUPPORT COMMENT Hey. Relax don’t listen to them. Your life will be better than theirs don’t worry
SUPPORT COMMENT Fuck EM all! Blood is not thicker than water, surround yorself with likeminded.. greetings from Sweden ..

SUPPORT COMMENT Sounds like you got the wrong family? It’s their problem, not yours. Be strong.

SUPPORT COMMENT Wow your an artist, I’m sorry it must have come from a very dark place, I admire you for your bravery to share it with us. Keep going there are brighter days. P.S. Would love to see more of your work

SUPPORT COMMENT Im thin. Im upset too. But girl its not the end of the world. Cheer up! Dont mind them.

SUPPORT COMMENT Stay strong hun. If you really need to get out talk to someone so you can get moved because mental/emotional abuse is just as back as physical

SUPPORT COMMENT Enjoy life rather than thinking
SUPPORT COMMENT How old are you?

SUPPORT COMMENT ou have the choice and the power to change Your life.

SUPPORT COMMENT Speak up and loud and often. Tell them how you feel. Tell them to put themselves in your place, how would they feel?

SUPPORT COMMENT And if that doesn’t work, speak to a counselor.

JESSICA—My counseler knows what’s going on

So we chatted some more in private and its not like she can leave, she is still at school, but she now only thinks about it from what is wrong with them, but doesn’t let on that she is not bothered as much,,, she seems like a very intelligent little girl and a bit of an actress to… She waits for the abuse and is not scared of it or shocked when she hears it, it confirms what she was thinking and looks to see what they are feeling when they abuse her, she even argues, tries to rationalise with them to stop but on her terms and its complete pretend.. she says she feeling heaps better and enjoys this game she is playing
Even when she is talking to her psych she is analysing her now, and can see when she says some thing she understands and can see the blank look in her face when she talking about the abuse..
Jessica is a bit is like doing really good, and its not often that you can have this type of effect, its just more about having someone understand them that helps the situation and with mental illness already with em for so long they cant fight much

It is all so easy to understand how the mind works. I can tell you that because I know how it works. Its not that big a statement until I say it like this. I’m the first person ever to know how the mind works, Then it becomes real hard to believe, but its true
To know how the mind works, you need to know how the brain works, how emotions work and how human instincts work. Then how mental illness works and then how recovery of mental illness works. The mind works a certain way and that’s fairly straight forward in all people and I think we even know how it works . Its more we don’t know how it doesn’t work.
The brain works a certain way, emotions work a certain way, Mental illness works a certain way too and how to recover from mental illness work the same. In a certain way. When you know how the mind works, to explain it all has to be even has to be done in a certain way.
It like this really big puzzle that pieces together very nicely, and like a puzzle, pieces need to go in there place. And that the same for the mind. If the piece doesn’t fit and there are bits missing the puzzle doen’t turn out and the understanding of the mind will be what the puzzle looks like. A persons mind can be a puzzle. Most of us pieced together something with a lot of help along the way and our life experience to get to this point we are at in our lives.
Most of us are in a spot and our mind feels good. Maybe ten or twenty percent don’t feel as good and have some sort of mental illness and it’s a bit more a struggle to get through life this way. The mental illness makes it real hard in truth. You think about things over and over everything seems worse than what it is and feels horrible thinking this way all the time. You don’t want to think like this but you cant stop thinking this way. You cant work out how to stop thinking this way either as your mental illness is making you think the other way all the time so it’s a struggle that never ends.

The main piece or pieces to the puzzle is the brain so lets look at how these pieces work from the beginning.
A brain works in a very straight forward way. It thinks about the information it encounters and trys to come up with a solution to help you through what ever happens in life basically. How your brain gets to the solution will come from what it has learnt though out its life.
At the beginning your brain hasn’t learned anything so there is nothing really it can think about but over time you learn things from what your brain goes through. You don’t have a choice what to learn, you learn what ever is there to learn.. Its up to your parents really. And it’s a step by step process.
And this is basically the most important concept to understand how the mind works. I’m a mathematician, so will explain it that way. People think I’m a maths genius, and I used to as well. Like this god gifted talent I have. I’m probably intelligent genetically, but its only noticeable with maths and other areas are lacking. In high school I ended up top in the state for maths, with no effort. I ended up in the lowest for class at school for English out of seven classes I was in number 7. I busted my balls towards then end to get a pass that got me to university and didn’t even count towards my final number as you could drop the lowest subject..
After many steps before this call the first step numbers. You learn what they are, what they look like and how to count and after a few years your parent will teach you what one plus one is. And you will never get it right the first time. You would have been this little kid with a parent the same way I was with mine trying your best like all kids do to answer this question. I had two apples, one in each hand. We had got to the step where I could ask how many apples do I have and he could say 2. But if I said what’s one apple plus one apple and held them in each hand in front of him he couldn’t say the answer.
During all the other steps over time as a parent your praising your kid as they learn things. Encouraging them with hugs and it makes a little child feel good and they just want to answer and use there minds as they love the interactions and as the parent your enjoying all this as well … you keep encouraging.
You even say the answer and when they repeat it, they still get praise and step by step you get to the stage and he knows what one plus one is… and then onto 1+2 and 1+3…. But a whole lot more is being taught here than you may think.. you are encouraging him to be able to think and he is getting confidence to use his brain each time as its fun and he enjoys the feeling of being praised and how he is learning and its all a new sensation for a child this and they love it…
Its how we are made, like our human instincts. They are to learn and to want to feel good from the love of our parents. The feeling inside we get from the love. From the encouragement, its all stuff we were made to want and how we are and as a child that’s as deep as it gets at this young age. Your just wanting some feeling that you like and you go that way…
Now your brain takes on this knowledge aster a while and helps it with the next step Also your brain is getting trained how to think, how to switch on and think for longer and longer. Over thousands of little things a child goes through in life there brain starts to have a way to think and there is some knowledge there to draw on, even a way to think and a level of concentration, an attension span and a level of confidence. Lots of other things are all starting to build.
Each little thing happening is just making every little bit of difference to the brain and in ther system that started off with nothing and is developing .. It started off with a cry and then they felt there aren’t soon after and now is to them thinking..
On the flip side where some of this interaction of just learning 1 and 1 was replace with nothing and the child is basically just laying ignored, they miss all this development and there brain is being taught to not switch on and be used and steps are being missed and they are going to encounter things one day that they will they need to of gone through and the brain to of experienced to understand and its not going to be there. Its going to be not understandable and how your brain works to process information will just switch off and think about what is possible
For example in an adult, you stick a page of Chinese writing in front of you and you don’t even think about it. Try giving teaching mathematics to a child who doesn’t know numbers and the brain will not even think, it will just shut down or think about something else and not possible to start to process simple calculations . You more likely starting to develop some form of adhd and that all that can happen..
Moving on from a young age I understood mathematics, I had an older sister that was teaching me and before I was 4 i had been through all the steps many times and my brain could think like this. I was confident with numbers and never missed a step. My brain just switch on as that it had been taught to and wanted to think like a brain will always do. I started school way ahead, I never sat there with out a step gone through and if asked I was confident I knew and never switched off when it came to this… I never memorised and didn’t understand and forgot anything.
Learning by memory with out understanding is completely different skill than understanding… when its understood you brain doesn’t even have to think and is available to take on all new information
Its how I worked out how the mind works as well. I didn’t even think about working it out. I just went through some things, A lot of things that allowed me to understand with a way of processing that was the only way I knew how. I was part of a big family and was great, but there was no encouragement to learn and missed steps with other things. I remember my schooling and the maths classes learning away. 30 years later I can still do it all. I don’t remember a thing about the rest… i would just switch off and didn’t have a clue what was going on and im sure I would of tried, but it didn’t make sense and the maths was able to drag me through and I got there no problem with zero effort for 14 years. It took me another 12 years to put in my first effort in life

There I no point trying to convince you of anything, read other blogs if you want,, im still documenting just the basics how the mind works… hope some people understand, its been a lot of work to get to here..

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