Anxiety

I’m writing this blog post to give to the psych hospital doctors. It is a plea to them to help me and not hurt me. I have been forced to take a medication called paleperidon and its giving me extreme anxiety and thoughts of suicide. I don’t need to be on medication and telling the whole story, I hope will get them to review my situation and not make me take the next injection and allow me to get better.

Paleperidon is an anti-psychotic medication and that’s all I know about it. I think it is given to people who suffer from schizophrenia. In my case the side effects are this extreme type of anxiety and im also impotent. I can not get an erection and there is no ejactulation either. I feel extremely violated that I am being made to take drugs that have this effect on my mind. I have no mental illness besides the anxiety which im not getting treated for. I have no history of mental illness and was fine until I started taking this medication.  Here is the whole story on why im being forced to take medication.

About 14 months ago I ended a relationship with my partner whom I have two kids with.  There is something wrong with her and was trying to get her help for the entiretity of the relationship but she would never except any help. 14 months ago I finally figured out what the problem was. She is a Narcissist or type of a psychopath and as is often the case they try to hide it and deflect problem on to there partner and destroy there reputation and that has happened in my case and its gone way further than that.

She came to the hospital finally in june last year and I told the psych nurse what was going on and he interviewed her as well. But the bloke believed what ever she told him of me and wanted to make me stay in the hospital for treatment. He said I was in a drug induced psychosis and wanted me to take this medication he had and come with him. I refused and walked out of there. He had asked me if I had ever taken drugs and I told him I used to when I went out to night clubs a long time ago. It was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard and since then haven’t seen the kids and of course she told everyone that im psychotic and refusing treatment from the hospital.

Then in December last year, I broke an AVO that was completely a lie anyway and the court wanted me to be assessed as I was saying she is a Narcissist and she had been implying that I was mentally ill for sometime now. So I was admitted to the hospital and again they were believing her story and not mine, but this time she was saying that she is terrified of me as well. Ive got no history of any violence in 44 years as well as no psych issues and bundles of proof that she is a narcissist. But they wouldn’t look at the proof and diagnosed me with a Delusion Disorder of Malignant Narcissism and I end up staying in the psych ward for 62 days as they were believing that I was going to attack her or something similar to that.

I was given Respidone while in there and the first 30 days I was spitting it out as the last thing I wanted was to be taking a drug for my mind when I felt good, but as the days passed in there I told them I was spitting it out and they put me on injections instead. After 62 days I finally got out and I wasn’t feeling very good by then, but I said nothing as the last thing I wanted from them was to hold it up even further that I get out from hospital, But I had to take an injection every two weeks for this delusion disorder that I had proof that wasn’t true and she still had never been checked out. I thought I was feeling so bad because of the bordom in the hospital. There is leterally nothing to do in them as was bored beyond belief.  I had been in there for 62 days and there is nothing to do in there and I was quiet anxious towards the end.

The anxiety got worse after I got out and I was worrying about everything and it wasn’t like me to worry. I was suicidal and life was terrible and I was impotent. I finally worked out after a month or so that it was the medication and stopped taking it and came out of this anxious state 19 days after the last injection.

Whilst in hospital for 62 days the house had been put up for sale and all my things had been tossed out from my ex-partner, I lost all my work customers and even had to give the dog away. I had no money and was suicidal and for those like myself that think anxiety isn’t that serious, then think again. It was the worst time in my life by a big margin. The house got sold and I got things back on track enough to find a new place in the city and things were fine even know now I had not seen the kids for 12 months.

I sent a letter to the minister of health and in the letter I accidentally had copied and pasted a load of dates with little references to them that I knew what they were but wouldn’t of made sense to anyone else. About a week later the hospital rang and asked if they could see me, so I went in and it was about this letter. I explained what had happened and because it came from the minister they admitted me again. This time they diagnosed me with a thought disorder and put me straight back on an anti-psychotic medication and was in the psych hospital for another 14 days. I lost my work customers again and went straight back into anxiety. This time they applied for a CTO which stands for a community treatment order and it means if I come off the medication which is an injection every month then they can admit me to the hospital to force treat me.

Ive been out now for 14 days and the anxiety is the same as last time, but as yet im going to have to have the next injection soon and there is no doctor I can even see for another 3 weeks.  Ive just received payment from the sale of the house and finally seen the kids after a year.  My ex-partner is suddenly not terrified of me but im still on this medication that is making my life worse than hell.

Im writing this blog to give to the hospital to see if they can review my situation. In the next days im going to start legal preceedings as I cant stay on this medication and live my life like this and hope something works. I understand that mistakes are made but when I have no history of mental illness and no history of any type of violence or even anger and not effected anyone then there is no need for medication and simply want to get on with my life.  It’s gone from psychosis to delusion disorder to thought disorder of the same topic and they haven’t even looked at her. Every other part of life there is no issues and just because I think my partner is what she is, im on medication that is really hurting me. My thoughts are not even hurting anyone else and am basically begging to get off the medication so I can recover and start living some type of life again

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