I would be one of the most unemotional people on the planet, i dont get angry about anything , dont read into that to much or you will think i dont give a fuck about stuff its just how i developed emotionally. Every one develops there own way emotionally so we are all different individuals. Some things changed us a little and some things changed us alot at the end of the day and that just how it all works.. what ever your mind recalls the most is what is what will have the greatest effect and you got not control over it so what ever it is it is…
When i was 10 this happen to me and for 32 years i thought about it probably 3 times a year for the next 32 years without thought, it just popped in my head and it felt good just like it did when it happened and i was never even aware of it the whole time but i will then tell you how it changed me and IT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND…
So i was 10 and i played a lot of sport and was pretty good at most things, Very competitive like anyone else but i wasnt as fast. I was a skinny kid and i still am, my dad, my pop and my kids are all skinny and tall. It doesn’t matter if we eat all day we dont get fat… So im competitive and i could win the longer races and had no chance in the shorter ones. It was 800 meters so i would fall right back and then start catching at the end and be maybe 10th out of twenty.. It was the regionals so i had beaten everyone at school and i was just happy to be there. But this day i took off and got to the front and was just kept going. Everything just clicked and it was just my day. The whole way i ran as fast as i could and didnt get tired and felt awesome the whole way… I didnt know it and no one ever realises it, but my emotions kicked in when i got to the front and’i ran on emotions the whole way… I know that now because i still remember little bits of the race and those little bits still have the actual emotions on them to a less extent. I never won another race ever again. It was back to the same after that. But when i finished i went up to my mum or step mum in the stands were she was sittimg and she hit me with the biggest hug as she must of been excited seeing me at the front cheering me on and xhe was pumped up and hit me with a big hug and was a good moment. It didnt mean much at the time cause i was 10 but that memory pops into my head every now and then and always feels good, i never thought why or anything, and no one ever does but about three years ago out i started to understand why i was how i was. I’m feel like the most normal person on earth but i”m nothing like anyone else. So over time i have been able to piece my whole life together and how i am is exactlty what happened to me emotionally from day one.. With it being heavily waited to the the start of my life..I understand how emotions work and that took a long time but as i was working out how emotions work and myself my mind kept going deeper and deeper into my past and little things i had never remembered were still there and the emotion that you felt at the time to a less degree is there to and when you recall it you get that feeling again and your mid processes it and stores it back in your memory and the next time it pops in your head it feels good again but a little less until you forget. And that how people work and you become who you are..
This has taken an unbelievable amount of work to work all this out and you cant just believe what im saying as emotions don”t work like that, they have to feel. What they feel is the truth.. And it all depends on how you are at that point in life as well. So there is only ever the smallest adjust in how you change ever and most things dont give you any feelings but slowly over time you become who you are. And there are no exceptions. You emotions can not change unless they experience the feeling for themselves. Its impossible even. But for now i will just continue as its taken a while to figure this out..
So how did this change me??? This was my only hug i ever got from my mum and my dad never hugged me. But he was a good bloke my dad, i never seen him do or hurt no one or nothing, he has got a bad bone in his body. My step mum never loved me like all her kids and i all ways knew this too. But it never bothered me as i had a great life and my grand parents who i spent alot of time with loved me as much as you can be loved. All of it was nothing i ever thought about either way but looking back now it all had an effect… Until i was 42 this remained in my body as the best moment in life 32 years until something happened that felt better emotionally.. I think a mother is the most import thing in a childs life. There is no one to me that is better than a good mother. I dont mean all mothers, im just talking about the good ones. I only like good people in general and all my mates are awesome dads as well but a good mother stands above and its something i never had but always known. A man can do any other great thing in life but can never get to the level of a great mother in the family. To get to that level you have to have the things inside of you that produce a baby and carry it and give birth to it and all that experience in life is not able be had by a man so he doesnt have chance to get to a level emotionally women does with the children’.
I dont have love for my step mum, i think she just a nice woman, I dont have love for my dad, but he is one of the best bloke i ever known. I love my nan and pop and my pop is the best man i ever known. And the reason why my dad is such a good bloke is of his parents. The reason he doesnt show any effection in that way is cause he never had any either. I cant even imagine a hug off my dad anyway, It would be too weird.
I never till out of neccessity thought anything about anything really in life till i started working out this emotions stuff which became a necessity for survival and i can tell you now, no one knowns about this stuff much but its the answer to every question of to why things happen. Why a person is like they are and just every thing. Emotions dont lie and everyone has them and its them that is driving the person.. But anyway,
My dream at the end of the day was to just have a nice family and all the rest was just stuff that would come. So i got to the family stage and my boy was nearly 4 and like always, im just happy and strong mentally and i just never had a bad day, nothing bothered me and the last 4 yeats i had just got to the point where i thought, is it normal to feel this good all the time. Nothing could knock me down. For 4 years i had got out of bed and went straight to work early, work all day outside fixing peoples roof that were leaking and then come home and go straight into looking after the kids till they went to bed and then do my thing which often involved my partner, but mostly i avoided her. and over 6 years my i just got better at my job and even on raining days i just keep going with out thought. I never missed a day and when you go to work in the rain and you finding leaking roofs with the way of thinking that i have and i get to that later, but you end up pretty good at what you do. . And all this came from nothing, i am not a qualified roofer. I was just cleaning gutters and im always going to say i will have a look if im up there and see the problem. I had unlimited work with it backed up and i just did it. I didnt care about worry or ‘nothing, i just did all i could, i never worried and other stuff much either. But as a man, its a pretty good feeling when you go from nothing to good with hard work and at the same time your job is to use your brain to work out the problem and after a while the rain didnt matter’, people just want the leaks to stop. Then i get all the work that others cant do and you just progress to a higher level where i had the knowledge of all the ways things can leak, with this work ethic that never stopped and all i knew was to use your brain and do the job. If it doesnt work, you go back. There is no excuse, my job was to stop the leak. I never into excuses and things. But without thinking over a long time i just felt there nothing i cant fix and people are just so happy after so long being fucked around and you show em with the phone even. And every one want you and its all a good feeling for me emotionally all day every day which i still had no idea what emotions were. Then i went from there nothing i cant fix to im no 1 which is a strong feeling to experience and for me it was super strong. Because all my life, everything came easy with no effort and i even thought for a long time that this was a good attitude, but none of that got me to feeling number 1, that was straight up hard work and no excuse or never giving up to the job was done over years and years of just keep on going through rain and heat and all this crazy shit i had no idea what my partner who wasnt right but just blazed through taking every thing for what it was and all the rest was nothing i had even time to consider and i developed into what i needed to emotionally. There was never a problem.
But before my boys 4th birthday, he had more than a problem, and it was his mind, and for me my mind was me like, i loved who i was and how good i felt and all my childhood and my boy i was crying for at some point now everyday… All my life on the inside i had confidence in my self, i never doubted myself, even though is was lucky to get through after the effort the first 30 years and my boy had hit zero confidence and i worked out that if i want to be happy i that going to me fix my boy or the happyness is going to end and end badly, and this was not my thoughts this was my emotions that i was becoming aware of more and more out of necessity.
By this time, i new my partner now wasnt right, i had no idea what mental health was yes, i never ever met any one with a problem before, but i new it was a disorder, i new it couldnt be fixed, i new it was her that was the problem with the boy, but i also new that a mother is the most important… I knew it was her, but it never crossed my mind she would do something to her child…
I cut back on the work and focused on my boy. I didnt know it until later but he had gotten ADHD and when i focused on him i fixed it and went further that that and he was now the most confident kid and got all his friends back and it didnt take that long. I was hoping at first that he just have a chance to go to school in some sort of mental shape. But this feeling i got replaced my old best one and i would be suprised if anyone felt what i felt by fixing my boy. No drug or nothing can give this and i got like three months of all the things in my memory and every minute is there, i remember every nlitle bit of this time. Then over the next 9 months i was getting better at understanding how my partner worked and how she could effect my boy over 2 days if i wasnt around and then i could get him back up to this high level agian and maybe 15 times this happened and it was just some thing i did. Slowly as well ability to work out my partner was getting better and it was causing her to react in ways that were the opposite to what you would expect..But i was now barely not working as i wanted to protect the children from there mother and still it didnt cross my mind that she could be hurting her own children. In my mind a mother was the most important thing and it its hard to change you mind when its like that because your emotions have developed this, but slowly i seen more and more and my mind was able to adjust to the reality of the situation. My actual belief didnt change because its true in a factual way.
I was getting so close to working this out and she split and took the kids and two days later i found it. Its called a malignant narcissist. They abuse emotionally and there is nothing you can do because no one understand emotions. People will think your crazy when i tell em what she would do, and it wouldnt even register in there own mind. Not one person. I know a few now but there all the children of a mother with the same disorder A malignant will break her childrens mind and they become the same as her except the second one which will have about seven other disorders including seperation anxiety so they cant leave there abuser any way was this situation i found my self in now 21 months ago. Mow this is something i can not just accept, my emotions will not allow it, acceptance isnt an option, i have tried and my emotions react and there aint shit i can do about it. And it took a while to realise but for anyone else to understand what i or my children can know is impossible to learn, you got to go through this stuff’. And its true for all mental illness that regular people cant understand what is the real understanding. Even the person cant understand it because they have the disorder that wont allow them.. The one i understand just happens to be at the end, there is nothing after malignant. The top psych in the world has much less chance of understanding this than some one with no psych training. he has his mind set and it doesn’t work that way. Even regular narcissist psycho’s toxic or any disorder there is i would say zero to maybe 10 percent of what you would need to understand maybe depression.
I’m not saying i understand say borderline or what anyone has been through, i joined this group like others when i was just trying to understand mental illness and causes. From my perspective then it was like ok for this disorder to happen what someone mind must go through seems to be very high from what i can make out and very heavily skewed to women.. The suffering for some is at the high end but the mentally is far stronger than how others who have been through trauma much less. So i dont have an understanding of borderline just normal emotions. But the thing is and it takes a lot longer to explain that you get borderline when certian emotions are the ones that are effected. Borderline is from a certain few emotions that were not developing due to a trauma which we all know what is. There will be the odd case where people havent been through that but what would of occured is there mind constantly thing about whatever that caused the same emotions to be effected.. and also there seems to be quiet a lot of human error and a few of these disorders have a big overlap…
This might be to early to introduce, and you cant ever look it up because basically, when i say people dont know some things about mental illness and i guess you can understand that too as currently that dont know what cause illness or the cure which really means they dont know anything….any way you will believe this if you been through it emotionally….. After say a trauma you had no option but to think what ever you mind was in it… now emotions need to grow in a certain way so that a person can progress in life or the whole thing doesnt work called survival’… Now when some emotions cant develop because the mind is constant thinking uncontrollably about event that are not good it has the effect where you dont feel good either, and this can go on where you feel worse and worse and you damage your emotions for ever ‘. Once certain emotions get to a level that is to low or damaged and it around the constant level of borderline then the disorder start to present and over time attaches to your emotions….. This disorder then protects those emotions being damaged any further as the disorder isnt effected by your mind thinking about certain things… But the disorder then encourages certain thoughts because that what they like. So the things that you think and do the most are caused by the disorder and its just like everyone else you do things because that is what your emotions are thinking about.. You often feel bad or it doesntr make you feel good because your regular emotions while not getting damage still warn you of things that are damaging but are now protected.. Everyone probably has depression for example, where depression encourages you to think negative because that what it does and then when you do it feels bad because regular emotions discourage that… Y’know so self esteem and lot of other things are able to develop..
will continue latter
Not even that;s a relief cause for 60 years we been looking in the wrong spot fpr every illness that was staring at them, with some new found hope, All they give a shit about is that they keep fooling there selves that there ever done anything to help a person out which is there job , and wont even look,. every body keeps looking for something we already the answer…
Even basic stuff like ADHD already know how to fix, but not one little boy will know about that, and then i can make my argument as strong as i want, because i got all the answers with this, except when retards get in your way ……..and the people they effect is little kids,,,, and i don’t get to feel some joy that a 4 year old got at least a chance in life causes me to just try harder..
Im a cunt about somethings. it is why i worked it out, ‘i’m a cunt, I like how i am, so i like cunt, yes it did cross my mind to the refer to women in this group as that cause i do see things a bit different and is a very positive word in my life way above princess and even hot lips, but i know how the human mind works and i didn’t discover mind transfer shit where a group will be cool, with… u get my point i hope.
But going back a bit, i tried to harder to get my point across, and that didnt work either, but found tonnes mire stuff wrong that just goes way past ridiculous, and just saying it will make me look like a cunt in front of people i actually respect.
So yes, o will say straight up, i have made an assumption, i may be wrong , but i know the system and feel there might be a chance that if you look at hard enough, then it possible, you be fucked over somewhere down the line.. And you might be interested in my offer, that, i put in after this great big discovery i made which may be a bit hard to understand first go, but i assure you this is the shit , SO good luck… ITS ABOUT EMOTIONS
THE srory (just the basics, the full one doesnt even end its that bug
SStraito the point of the mund os that its always thinking or processing for you, and to do that emotions are used ad they are part of the mind to. All day every day 100s pf times over your mind carried out this process,.. And what iys going if you were able to step back and watch in fast motionits, of a baby starting off with nothing but her parents to show her the way as her hope of survival . Wbat you will see is basically someone develop to what they experienced in life. With each little processed thougtht that was positive a little feeling inside that felt good.. This will then give your emotions a little development and that thougtht is then stored with the feeling you felt.]And is part og now what you ban use to solve a problem and you can see that you have a little more knowledge and a little stronger mentally..,,,,,,,,,,FOR ME,,,,,,,,My whole life was good, i never even seen bad, , i dont have that as even an option. My emotions would hate it and i would feel bad.. It just cant happen and doesn;t even male sense
My whole life just keep giving me feelings from mu emotions and that s how i adjusted through\ . the worst psychopath in hisrory had my life he be just like me too.. ] now that and there isnt even doubt, it facr how good these emotions work….
Up until a couple of years ago. the best thing i had ever experirnced in life was as a ten year old and won a 800 race….i kicked at the start and got in front and just didn’t stop. I still remember bits of the race just running far above anything previous even that same feeling i had at the time are still there, I think back and i get emotionally stronger . 100 times i remember that moment and it adds up at the end or the day…I havent finished my stoty and after the race i went up to the stands to my mum or my step mum and i was just so excited and she was just there at the perfect time with a huge hug and my emotions went through the roof.. It was the only hugt i ever had, My step mum was not a bother to me , and it was clear the didnt have love for me like her own, it never pither me even, cause i had the other bases well covered and was strong,, she never fucjed me over which would of caused damage, and my image of her is a good mum as that what i saw with my brothers and sister. Ihey all love her and i dont think about her unless it pop up on my head which is my most remember thought as well… I cant have any negative in my life as i dont, work that way anymore, One hug and she us the lady who gave my that memory which lead on to asking mentally ill womem to nelp and i have never asked for help ever, but this time without even thinking of all these other ways i can get to my goal, are not even an option , I EVEN k thw answer is, my question is will wnough people learn this stuff 0t qill co yourelf m0re than you ever thought possib;e , I think you will even runover the whole lor of you illness by a good marin , but that is coning from and dont know borderline at all, i chjecked it out and the information i needed was quick and i dont know the illness, i can raise my self yp to lebel to feel abuse bnut what borderline goes through just getting to the point were you can see that it way gaxe me that info from before.. i would guarantee, you get through, but i know emotions and the a lot to get through and where talking supressed stuff and just what you been through, and while i have seen any of it i have seen a retraction to the abuser as well, and simply just not the informtion to process the thought and i would try.. but this is the biggest big boy, even diveded up its individually the biggest thing all time
VERY AMAZINGe going through a lot more than what i seem to be relating to, just that regular people find it hard to relate to the heavy stuff and switch off which is not the effect im looking for But emotions work with accuracy and they will react the same for anyone who was at that stage emotionally , but any thing negative right the way through does allow for someone to process there thought and start of circle thinking. Now im as tough as people get emotionally and would welcome a stupid comment of forget about it and move on but people dont need that when its not an optiin for this to occur, it will happen and there nothing a person can do about it unless they have this knowledge and only i have it at present, So depending on what has happen to someone will infleuence what they are circling thought about and when you circle your thought the mind has a defence for that. The abuse isnt the problem ever its the permant reminder it leaves behind.. verys small problems with regularity will see a person start to suffer with a range of doubts that appear as you become weaker, The mind processes thing so fast that anything slightest negativity in nature cam have the effect of a mind circling that over and aver an basically attacking it own emotions that people are not even aware of the process ocurin.. The abuse i am talking about is minor but it will end in similar results.. And depending on the age you arr at and if there was someone to help you get through can have exreme outcomes.. When my parent split i was 18, mple at times, my older btother who would of bee 22 or so and i had never seen him loose his cool would go and drag her out of a pub and take her back home and he nbursting at the seem about mum going out which im not sue was that often, i missed that, but i rember him think what i though was extreme but good on ya, and its all because you relate your self to some one situation and you get your answer, which is nothing to do with getting that persom actually help , . it didn’t register with me, but my brother certainly saw the situation from little brother point some how.. but he spent the next 10 years on his sofa, ventuting out family thing where i spot him some money at times to get some food, He never drank or did drugs and on his venture out of the dark cave come a barrage of fetaq job and get , i wasnt doing that to him but i had nothing to help him with other than some cash, and looking back at what he emotions been through and in his prime as well where he would had time to grow into a man would of been in constant decline.. everyone misses it , and i remember my mum begging me with desperation in her face please, he listen to you tell him to get a job is like dropping the fatal blow and not how emotions work at all, but i got lucky and happened to wake up and he was up and i remember it no having the real effect i though i could say but my brother was 14 and dad only moved a street away and he spent the next 3 years and then 10 years on his sofa by himself, with a good mum and dad and brotheres and sister as i didnt know the problem but fashoned some thing up that didn;t at least freeze him and he got off his sofa and drove 6000 km to where there was plenty of work and he made some big money for a bloke who did ten on the sofa…4 yeats later he quit his $3000 aw week job and dragged his new wife her kids which is a great dad to and his to which made 6 of em back to where his family was who were telling him to stay where he has a job, back into poverty virtually and is as happy as a bloke can be, so hopefully you can see a couple of declines for things that come from nothing, i cant go into what most go through as i would sill not get up to what its really like but way past what you can handle. but mental health is a big problem fo the actual people that are running the show more than you believe in you minds.. I will tell you and again undertate it. firstly whst you think about all mental illness is not even relatable. and that its just suffering om a scale that normal people can not take. i cant and im as strong a normal there is, it a mass child abuse system, where illness start young and festers into multiple, where psych do not no the cause or the cure, which means they no nothing, the only thing they do know is that it comes from child abuse and most of it is sicken abuse, and if you know about emotion which you dont but the abuser will target the emotions for effects you can not get close to imagine, with schizophenia what is referred to often as people are familiar with it and psycch has al.ready built up this crazy vision that has no reflection on them and are by far calmer that the average male, bur schitzophenia and they will have others is a child abuse disorder, that even used to be called that and the voiced that appear when they get older stem from what they were going through in there head long after there abuser had gone, it requires certian emotions to suffer that are more of an issue around the age of 18, and its not the illness even that are causeing the suffering, The suffering is from what been drilled into there head and then backed up with server emotional abuse on top abd they never winge or complian that there .been through sjhit and surpress the memories, even hide them and take respoinsibility fot as no one else is.. They are like the illnes with numbers that cany compere to bi polar which is closer to 100 rather than 98% fromsexaul and other neglect and then there is bigger number with lots of illness who have got borgerline from being abused and rapped, and thats up around the 100% mark then narcissist m=and psychopath that are not even a issue, but somethomg yo van rellate to you can relate to there to and we still havert got into the area of my consern yet = that is cold abuse, with young children comeimg in with psych. teenage gi,rls bwinf fed. lies even about what there medicatiomn does , And then there is then children that aleo told here isyou meds and welcone tp a life long multilple, load of illness,. thrsdr boys keep it goimg hard to the end and are lokingfoe the next victomsbi8ctom…. , they
it the zero percent and that not becuase there nor strong enough for it.. These are all normal emotions that if you know about at, it was a negative reaction, probably more so that i had Its probably to late to fix mental health in any way , but if you want to fix anyone than this is where it is at.
The learning and the big adjustments to the mind occur when young. When you can focus in on emotions and how they react at a certain stage you are around ten times more effective in therapy, but when your the parent of a child. For my children things that could of taken months for em to develelop like can take days and then there
\ adjustment changes to you as well. And any question about psychology is a focus on there current state and the reactiion that will occurfrom there. If you have normal emotionsand and this knowledge then mental illness for you and your children will not be able to occur. It gives you extreme incite into other people as there natural reply is very certian. I am keeping it in the bounds of mental healthso thinking about mental illness will always involve cyclical thinking. And all mental illness is aboutan emotions declining to the level of the disorder and only then can thr disorder start to emerge, keeping with depression, it will occur when that emotion is the one effected
disorder then appears, then the thinking is weighted from the disorder. It is not the disorder that feels nad. its what you are thinkimg about that feels bad, And the disorder doesnt get effected by it or will it put away im memory for later;