FIXING A MENTAL ILLNESS

rrrrThis is how to fix a mental illness. Im not saying its possible to achieve the end goal. I think it is possible  to see the way to actually fix any disorder that exists though.  There are a lot of variable that need to be defined in a new way to even get an understanding of how to fix a mental illness.

The two most important concepts are emotions and thoughts. When you have a thought in your head you get a feeling inside. This is your emotions telling you if the thought you had is good or bad for you. If the feeling is good you get a strengthening of your emotions and a bad feeling will weaken your emotions. People who are strong emotionally are characterised with a life where they have had there thoughts being mostly positive. A good life from an early age develops a person emotions to be strong and able to handle occasional negative thoughts. On the flip side someone weak emotionally will be characterised with a life of too many negative thoughts weakening them emotionally with occasional positive thoughts providing relief from there suffering of feeling weak emotionally.

Possibly it is best explained by your childhood. Lets say that is from the age of 0 to 18years old. I had a good child hood. Im 44 now and every thought of my life as a child is a good thought. Sure there were moments or things that happened that would of effected me negatively but are so out weighed by the positive that its impossible for me remember them as bad times and only have good feelings of my childhood. Now put all these positive thoughts over my life time against a child who had a violent upbringing for example. Remembering things like laying in your bed scared out of your brain un able to sleep or even make sense of it all as the thoughts you have when your mind thinks about your past will be a constant negative feel you will have inside emotionally making you feel weak emotionally.

While your awake your brain is constantly thinking about something on some level. It would be millions of thoughts. I estimate up until the age of 42 my brain would of had 10 million positive thoughts versus half a million negative thoughts and I was very strong emotionally and basically never had a bad day in my life. Those negative thoughts were nothing super intense and I was way to strong emotionally for them to be an issue anyway. Reverse that equation with a child from a violent upbringing and magnify those negative thoughts with a 100 time magnitude and feel how a person emotions would of taken such a beating negatively that you would be emotionally so weak that allows for some type of mental illness or many to be encountered. Emotionally strong people don’t get mental illnesses, its only for people who have had negative thoughts on a level that weakened emotions to a certain level that a disorder presented itself as a way of protecting them against there own mind destroying themselves emotionally. Children who had violent upbringings often have various mental illness like ADHD, depression, anxiety and schitizophrenia amongst others. Simply put a human is not able to emotionally go through adversity as a child and develop strong emotions due to having negative thoughts of there life constantly making them emotionally weak. Emotions simply do not work like that. You go through something bad and it effects your emotions and that’s just how they work.

It doesn’t have to be something as serious as violence. Something as simple as a parent not being encouraging enough or a bit negative will cause an emotions in a child to be exposed constantly to something negative and making them weaker emotionally. Weaker emotions can spiral downward with constant negative thoughts they are easily had when there are negative things to think about of the past. A person may even be able to remember a childhood they didn’t enjoy and cant see that anything even bad happened to them in there childhood. Maybe they had depression from an early age and cant even know why. But the answer is simple always. For some reason your mind had negative thoughts on a level that made you emotionally weak to the point where you took on emotionally depression disorder. Now its hard not to have negative thoughts as the depression has these thoughts for you weather you like it or not and turning this around might be or seem like mission impossible.

But over the last little while due to a bit of bad luck you could say, i’ve had more negative thoughts about issues that my brain is not able to cope as there are a lot of negatives and emotionally I am getting weaker. Every negative thought im aware of and spend most of my days now trying to distract myself with things that don’t allow me to just think about all the negativity that im going through. Its nothing I can control and just put out of my mind, its just something i’ve got to go through and hope I get through it.

Without going into the whole long story, I was basically diagnosed with a delusion disorder where I believed my ex-partner is a malignant narcissist. You could say that there not the nicest thing to have a relationship with and can make up things that other people including psychiatrist believe and you end up on anti-psychotic medication that is compulsory and has a side effect of servere anxiety that gives you constant negative thoughts and worries in life where I have to literally try to spend most of my time distracting myself from negative thoughts, mainly about the medication that is hurting me emotionally so much.   Going from being strong emotionally straight into anxiety disorder is a hard jump to have to go through. Im having all these negative thoughts and worry’s about this ridiculous situation I find myself in instead of being able to go through the normal thought processes of my real life drama’s that I would of been able to cope with as I was strong enough emotionally.

Im able to feel this weakening of myself emotionally and basically have got to hang on and not get to emotionally weak before I get off this medication and able to repair myself emotionally. But its made me aware of how emotions work and I think they work the same for everyone.

But this is the key or the theorem in how to fix a mental illness.  For those with some sort of disorder are you able to somehow be able to stop your mind having thoughts that weaken your emotions and turn it all around and get strong emotionally. Im not sure how possible that is when you got some type of disorder in a way doing the negative thinking for you on top of being emotionally weak and a past that has your mind remembering bad times is not a way to get emotionally strong.

I guess I see a fairy tale type solution of being able to fix a mental illness of developing some sort of life style that has a positive direction and so interesting that your distracted from whatever mental illness on such a scale that doesn’t allow for your mental illness to do the thinking for you or for you to remember  things in the past that hurt you emotionally and get constant new positive thoughts from a lifestyle that some how miraculessly comes around that is of constant excitement and positivity while being able to un confuse your mind that has all these built up thoughts and remember such bad times that are impossible to forget as the overall theory to how you fix a mental illness or a disorder.  Not saying its possible but I guess anything along these lines is the way to at least feel better. For me its hang on to my hat time and try not to fall to hard.  Writing is a distraction for me and allows for me to think clearly and a break from the negative thoughts that is my new life that im desperately trying to avoid.

 

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WHO AM I

My blog is about solving some things in mental health that have never been documented before. I know how you get mental illnesses right through to how you recover. So who am I? How come I  think I have solved something as big and important as mental health.

Im Neil from Sydney Australia, and yes I have worked out some things in mental that may or may not be discovered one day. I went through a variety of things and was able to work out how the mind works. For sure no one has gone through what I have to be even able to work it all out in the past and will never happen again. I will describe what happened from the very start and talk about all things relevant.

I had a good child hood and good at school, despite giving it no effort. I was the top at maths from the start and just always like numbers. I was poor at English and have no creative side. I think and always have in terms of mathematics. By that I don’t think about things that cant be solved and don’t like the feeling of thinking about the same thing over and over. My head has always been clear this way and have enjoyed the feeling of being clear headed and emotionally strong. I have always been happy and was never abused and at the age of 42 didn’t know about mental illness or any part of that field.

The only thing I had go wrong in my life was a gambling addiction for 10 years from the age of 18. I tried to get over it many times but was only able to when I really got to the bottom of the issue and fixed my life up and haven’t gambled since with out even trying not to. Since then if I have a problem I just take care of it on the spot or nearly die trying to. I don’t think about things and I just do them. I don’t worry about anything.

After a few years of being with my ex partner and mother of my kids, I started to see there was something seriously wrong with her and it ended up being the worst disorder there is known to man. She had just taken the kids away and now I have a real problem on my hands. I didn’t feel like there going to mentally safe with her and its always been something so important to me, so I put in a huge effort to try and expose her disorder and get the kids safe.

I tried and I tried to prove she had this disorder but nothing worked, I also have the mental abuse she was doing to them as she filmed it all in secret. I would go through the video’s many time trying to piece together what she was doing and how this causes mental illness. I would be the first person ever to have such video. I also start to learn about mental health and other illness through support groups on facebook. I had no mental health knowledge previously and was able to get all information from people with disorders right from ADHD/dep/anx all the way through to psychopaths and had no pre-concived thought on how you get mentally ill to how you can fix disorders.

I was working on this about 18 hours a day for 12 months and just developed more and more knowledge and this big general direction I was heading that I had worked something out within how the mind that works in with emotions and different forms of abuse to become mentally ill. Depending on what you have been through abuse wise will be the the personality disorder you end up with

I  had put a lot of effort  with no distractions and a very clear mind to be able to think on this level. I also was in a pysch hospital for 2 months with nothing wrong and went into anxiety disorder when I came out. I was able to fix my self and before that had fixed my boy from having ADHD.

Everything I did all ended up pointing to how the brain learns and thinks about things and process information that is felt by your emotions and at a certain level of emotional low a disorder kicks in that is a set way of thinking and cant be altered and to remove the disorder requires the repair of yourself emotionally which is hard to do as it will be hurting you emotionally at the same time

Prostitutes don’t get depression……

” Didn’t your mummy teach you this”

I hope people read this and don’t just look at the title and be convinced like in a lot of cases. Its just a gimmicky look at an illness that is to hard to explain and will get lost in transition of somewhere between bordem and I need a rest.
Quick lesson, you don’t get depression out of the cornflakes box, you don’t inherit it or develop it for some unknown reason. You have this thing called your emotions and they are what makes you feel things. You also have what is referred as your self esteem. That kinda how strong or week you are. Now your self esteem is effected in a number of was that all revolve around it being effected negatively to lower it, and positive to increase it.
Also a secondary effect is your mind. If it is working well, if you are getting enough variety into your mind to allow it to grow and to feel and think of all the things in life. The more cluttered the more in pushes on your emotions and the more its used clearly to solve and learn things like what we are built mainly for gives your emotions the positive.
To much clutter and to much negativety will cause a reaction and into mental illness. Then basically you are in the deep stuff. Hard to get out of and a side note should be the importance of your mental over all other goals you have.
So while you get pre-concived ideas early about prostitution, let have a look at the job and leave someone elses influence over your mind instead of being able to make valued judgement with you own brain.
It is worth noting I am a man and such is life, straight up I don’t think I could do this job. Over the last couple of years as ive found myself In a mountain of child abuse, I don’t see it as an option to be in a relationship and bringing these problem that are big into someones life. It is my therapy if you like and there doesn’t seem to be any trained psych who even understand some disorders and especially child abuse.
The pro’s I know, they work two or three, sometimes more days a week, 12-14 hours a day and up to meeting 8-10 different people. They get paid fairly good money. They have quiet a lot of control of the decisions they make and from client to client, would involve summing up the situation and then making a whole array of decisions to control the situation that suits the best.
The job puts them in a role to meet a lot of people who are happy to see them and there is something you emotions will feel, There will be a lot of compliments and positive energy from people and emotions just love this. It wont seem like much but you feel good when you get told it.
There’s a lot of chances also to help someone who may be a bit out of sorts and down and you are ready for this, You getting paid buy the hour and your ready to mix up the day with some advice and get a bloke who may have had no where to turn back on track, Again this will really hit you in a good way.
Over an extended period you think about the effect you have in your life, and a job where you can get positive over and over is more that enough for a bodies given emotions to stay out of depression.
But also there is the main thing that will lower a person emotions and sefl esteem the most, and that of a partner with abuse, mental , physical negative, it all is bad, you get lower an lower and you think more and more about crap, instead of the nice encouraging stuff that open up the mind. But a prozzie is always on the ball, they work hard for there money, there exposed to all sorts of things and they are ready for any up and coming piece of abuse working there charm. There seen it all before and so have there friends and being aware is the best defense about ever getting yourself caught up in abuse and then mental illness
You doing long hours, it would be exhausting, and you would be constantly do thinking and you not there staring out the window, . Shazza who thinks all prozzie are hors has just earnt 160 bucks been talked down to half the day from complaining customers and a boss that’s keeps staring at her tits and his wife is starting to notice, has been thinking all day the same thought and can operate the register with her boobs and doesn’t need think all day. She is also confused because some so -called whore came in and bought a nice bra, looked happy with out looking at the price tag and she thinking that there is no point for her as she not in the mood for that.. Do that 200 hundred times and your emotions will still keep you out of mental illness as they work so well, But when you start to get lower is take less abuse than a strong person to be tipped over the edge.
This is just a reference back to a job where pre conceived ideas are at play and highlightsa number of things, Butr emotionally you will feel all the positives and this preconceived idea was so for off the mark that you would eve n relate it back to guilt as it’s a differennt thing to what you were taught
I havn’t even discussed sex yet and of course that was positive to…it all is when you positive

LOOK INTO THE MIND.

I woke up and typed this up. Its a 9000 word over 7 hours… 20 w/pm sounds quick.. Its a rant/well reserched look at the mind.. Its way to long to read and a lot will be hard to understand.. mental health is not as easy as this looks… Will break it down into ten parts with some pictures and stuff later

IT’S been 12 months since I worked out my ex- partners disorder was to attack the minds of her children and there suffering works in a way to feed the her emotionless ego. Since then I have been doing what I thought was best to get those boys to safety.
Basically I have to get Nathan so he is not exposed to a certain type of mental abuse that will effect him is such a way that he will also have this disorder making him emotionless ,evil, broken disordered child. Characteristics of a psychopath and a lot worse.
Before this I didn’t know anything about mental illness and how people became mentally ill or how people have disorders. After spending a lot of time talking to people mentally ill and looking into there world with my knowledge of this disorder as well, my knowledge of Nathan and his stages he was at mentally as I would be fixing his mind against what she was doing to it, somethings I would say have become really clear to me. Somethings that don’t seen to be part of the overall make up in understanding mental illness to be able to help its progress. I would consider it the biggest area in the world(the mind I mean) and the path taken for any effective progress will never allow it to progress and is sending it backwards as can be seen in the increases in mental health issues.
A relevant starting point is that a persons emotions, there psychie, if you want there makeup or there mental health is not even reconized for what I actually is. At present there is this overall knowledge that mental illness is heritary, random, drug induced, self inflicted and abuse related problem that isn’t very fixable with focus on medication that can dull the effects or therapy to help people through it. There doesn’t seen to be any understanding as well except for those that have mental illness of the intensity of it on an individuals life. It start off in the life is unbearable range and gets worse from there. Also there is not really known except to those exposed to illness that people are not mentally ill with one illness, they are taking on a range of mental illness at a very young age.
There is also a lot of mentally ill wanting attension and voicing that no body understands them and a perception out there that mental illness has something to do with the word crazy, something to do with being dangerous and there is this psychopath like person that exists out there that is real bad individual who to tell you the truth I don’t know what it that he does in general
The first thing, the very base of mental illness, its starting point is so far off fact and quiet obvious if you try and look at just the first concept and that’s the word mental health. What does the word mental mean. It mean just what is refers to mental as in it is all in the mind. There is a good reason you will never see mental illness visually, no one can describe its look, as there is nothing to see. You mentally, you emotions, how you feel are just how a person is as they develop through life. After going deep into this world of all different types of mental illness that is all I have ever seen as well. A whole massive bunch of people that all have reacted in the same way to things that have happened during there life and are now suffering. I’ve never and I know now that I never will meet someone that has mental illness or a disorder if they have not been exposed to certain things in there life that adjust there mentally into a disordered person. Its not possible, when you understand how the mind or emotions work it doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense for it to even happen.
It cant be argued on any level that your emotional state is tangible, when something doesn’t exist and its our way of being, its just how we feel, then there cant be any thing attached to it in the way of DNA. You cant get a virus, you cant alter in as there is nothing there. To have a mental illness in a heredary way, like something passed through the generations can not be possible. Mental is all in the mind and you can only adjust mental states by going through life..
A simple way to look at it is with dogs.. We all have a grasp of how dogs are. Good dog means a good owner. My dog is breed to hunts wild pigs. She is good size she is really strong, fast, intelligent. She is the most gentle loving animal you could meet. She is great with kids and will not bite. You come up to me and say, Mate you dog just bit my daughter in the playground. I will be able to look you in the eye and say, if there is a shred of evidence in that being true, I will give you my house, my car, if I owned a 100 million dollar business I would give you that too. Even if the child was hitting her with a stick and forcing her hand in the dogs mouth the dog would not even apply jaw pressure. Its just how she is with how she been raised emotionally. Try and get her to change instinctively say with a rabbit, your got more chance of binking the lotto 1000 times in a row. If she was mistreated in anyway like I kicked the crap out of her when she was doing something wrong over and over, it would be a different story. She would act like a dog for the rest of its life like someone kicked the crap out of her. If she was left in the yard ignored she would act like a dog ignored. You will never see a dog who has been raised good take on the characteristics of an abused dog and when you dog and when you do, as it will be from what the owner told you, and you can believe the owner as you know him and he is a great guy and maybe he even does volunteer work for the wild life foundation and you trust him more than you do your self, if that dog is scared of its owner and other people then either he has abused the dog or someone is sneaking in the yard and doing it. They are your two options. It is up to you what you want to believe.
Basically my point is that mental illness is only a reaction to what you have been through and when that is not even knowledge or in consideration as being fact, then in trying to fight or do anything to help in this area, your going to be taking a stab at a problem with out looking at the issues. You are basically not going to come up with the right answer as often as if you would if you had the correct information. When you knowledge base is effected at the start of understanding a bigger picture it continues all the way down the line and for me right to the very end. At present there is no cure or treatment for any mental illness. The how ever many quad drillions spent is doing nothing.. Well its going backwards at an increasing rate, but that’s just an opinion based on what I see, but more I can only see it being able to progress backwards.
Mental illness are the same all over the world, everyone is born as a person and they develop in a way emotionally how they are treated emotionally. Myself, I am 44 and all my life I have acted and felt basically in a way that reflects my upbringing. I am one of 5 children and the only one who is a step child to my mother. I look completely different to all my brothers and sister, complete different intelligence but we all ended up the same.
To work out this simple concept that your emotions can only be from what they have been exposed to now seems logical and just makes sense. It seems like an easy thing to work out. Iwould put it more in the category of nearly impossible to work out and only out and to even think about this concept was nothing that entered my head for 43 years and was not derived from a thought I had, a belief, It came about from working to get my boys back harder than anyone has worked in history on any project. I was working harder with the clearest mindset I would say possible and metal but more over emotional strength at levels that no one will understand. I also only has focus on this, the rest of life was wiped right down to not opening a letter, I didn’t know what day it was, I would start without thought when I woke up and continue till I fell asleep when ever that happened. Some 12 hrs, often 2 days later and there was no effort to do it, no burn out. I understood what to do to be stronger emotionally and keep opening up my mind capabilities to do this. I began to understand how my emotions worked to be as strong as I desired to keep fighting for my boys.
I was in support groups for mentally ill people as a result of my ex partner and intruded into a big world of mental illness; all different sorts of illness with people in such bad state mentally that most peoples worst day, the time when they have been at there worst is nothing compared to the mentally ill, and they all had one thing in common, that they had been through long term mental abuse as children, nearly solely from a parent. Most was mental, but the physical abuse all turned into how the were effected mentally by it. Always the same outcome depending on the abuse. There was no unlucky person out there that was mentally ill for no reason. I was going deep into the minds of the most abused people in the world and it all worked the same, it only made sense that it does when I was at the level of understanding that I had. People with a whole range of illnesses I could tell them about the abuse they went through, and in talking about the abuse I could tell them what illnesses they had and its never wrong. Emotions react to what they go through. These were all people who where bought up in abuse, so a more accurate statement is to say how you are emotionally at the time when you are abused will govern your reaction to the effect of the abuse.
You see I was abused mentally quiet badly from my partner from 37 to 43, Her disorder is classed as the worst disorder both in abuse and the severity of her broken mental state. She has a disorder that is the only thing classed as evil that we know of. Her disorder governs how she acts at all times, there is no human like interest, You virtually only get it from being abused in a certain way and that will be from a parent who has it. You will look still the same, you will hide so no one can know and do your best to fit in. As a partner I knew there was something seriously not right from the get go and as a partner there is no chance a relationship could last or even develop, but with children and a positive attitude I did some serious time and was able to see enough to eventually work it out.
Reality in working it out was even harder than this. As a person you are not even able cable of working it out quickly. Your mind has to adjust over time that she is as bad as what you basically see. It is embedded in our nature, a way we were born that there is no evil, that a mother loves her children, all animals are born with this dependence on there parent, and they are dependent. You see only the mother feeding and taking care of her babies and your mind relates to that, you don’t see what happens when your not there and all the problems and things that you witnesses don’t let your mind think that she could hurt them. You may react even as I had done for a long time to protect them, but it is a process to have your mind understand that the mother is feeding offt he suffering of her children as her sole focus in life, it needs to be etched into you over time until you work it all out and then becomes the easiest thing in the world to understand. She acts and will always act the same. She is broken completely and cant act any other way. There is no way to even change her, she can not even get any other type of illness, She has a the big one and it is designed that nothing can ever effect her now except those things that effect the disorder. Basically that being exposed as her disorder cant accept there is something wrong, it believes she is perfect in everyway and everyone else is solely only there if they can be of use. She needs the suffering of others as it’s a addiction to her ego and will focus on having that supply there. Her children are her main prize as that means a lifetime of suffering and when there old enough to suffer mentally they will dispose of anything that could effect this.
But I was 37, my emotions and mental strength were already fully developed, I was a very strong person, something I new and was just happy I felt good in the head, I had no self doubt about myself, nothing someone could ever say to me would actually change who I was. If it was advise, I would certainly listen but you could put me down me down and say any type of abuse, make my life a living hell and it would have zero effect and I would wake up the next day feeling grate.
I’ve always just felt good just normal, I’m like the most laid back person you could meet. A lot of things that I don’t care about, its not that I don’t care so much, its more that I don’t even have the ability to even have my mind think this way, Ive always been like it. All things imaginary, creative, design, art, religion beliefs spirituality even negativity are not anything I will argue with, id encourage a lot f the stuff I don’t care about even, Ive nothing against them. I more just have blank as the way I look at it. I wouldn’t even try to think about this, it all just feels like a never ending thought to me that I don’t process, it doesn’t do anything for me and the interest is so low that I would see an ant walk by and that would by far be of more interest. I am like that, I will never try and understand it, and I don’t think it I could if I tried. Sure there a situations when this is the topic and like all people you deflect away from this when you can back into your safe areas which to be honest are not that wide ranging. But I care about a lot of things and think very logically about them, have my ideals, morals and there set in stone, only life experience can adjust me and I adjust in full to what ever I need to. I think I can explain why I’m like this as seeing everything as solvable or best effort to solve. Im a mathematician, you would say by nature, numbers make sense, numbers are my solace and what I remember, its what I understand and I guess would be in the top .01% of people. Any self-doubter or low-self esteem type man might of not survived this kind of abuse she was dishing out. You leave or get destroyed basically.
I was understanding more and more about my emotional strength and the certain things in life how they make you feel stronger, I was like the opposite of mental illness, that revolves around low self-esteem and a mind full of thoughts and no clear thinking and was starting to understand how all mental illnesses work, not through reading a book, but by talking to victims of abuse. It didn’t matter how or what they had been through I seemed to be at a higher level of understanding and was all just making sense to me. Id never felt the effect of the abuse, so I have really been abused, I had the lucky childhood and life and didn’t now that existed and I was drawn in to the depths of the most abused and they would talk to me about stuff that they never even talked about before as I had shown them my ability to understand and relate. It was because what she is, is a much higher form of abuse and through what the kids were going through put me in this category of understanding the most abused people in the world. There all just normal to me, There what they are emotionally from what there been through and so am i.
In this world of the most abused, im sorry guys but its nearly all women. Guys this abused long ago fell. A womens emotions are by nature far stronger. Not sure if that a good thing as it gets them into this extreme category of mental illnesses and inner strength and there are I guess two different types I get all my, you could call it knowledge, inspiration and mental strength. They are the daughters of narcissistic parent (black sheep). The second child. They all have Depression, anxiety, ptsd, panic attack, mdd major depression disorder, dissociation and phobia’s, separation disorders for the straight metally abused ones, then with bi-polar and borderline if there been sexually abused as well and skitzophernia if the violence was bad. They are also characterised with extreme mental strength built in to go through this from birth and while there been taught a lot of things wrong so there thought process doesn’t allow them to think straight, there have also a high level of being able to work out situations logically. Its something they developed to make sense of things as every they were learning was to really destroy there minds.
I also have a good relationship with a small hidden section of people and looks like no one but me gets these people. They are a small group of people who depending on how you look at it are the abusers, the people causing a lot of the mental illness and understanding these people are a big influence in understanding mentally ill people. There what is known as psychopaths which isn’t a mental illness is just a word. The disorder is called anti-social, most are NPD narcissist personality disorder. Its kind of simple how they work, but no use really getting into it, to understand you got to go through this stuff to fathom it. To keep it simple, there got no emotions. The abuse they suffered was in such a way that they stopped completely and have no feeling now for anyone and they basically feel only for themselves. It works in a way that the pain was over what a human can take and moving into these disorders takes away the mental pain they had and they feel like there the best and everything they do I perfect. They do have the potensial to be dangerous, in that they don’t have feelings or remorse for there actions. If they killed some one for example it would be nothing in the pure sense. The thing is they don’t really do that, it wold serve as a purpose to them and would only get them caught. They do things that benefit themselves and they operate under a cloud of secrecy lies and manipulation. The ones I talk to cant be called psychopaths even in the true sense of the word as they are self aware. Meaning they acknowledge there disorder where a true psycho wll never think there is something wrong, There disorder is designed in a way to protect them from there being anything wrong and only feeling like they are the best, even immortal and should be idolized. In a way these self -aware ones should be idolised, They go through extreme suffering and they don’t know why or understand there feelings to not go into that pure state where they will feel good and they will one day, but in the right environment if you really can talk the psycho talk, and you don’t go near certain area where they need to protect this massive ego from reality, you will understand some amazing thoughts of the human mind and get understandings of things where you take out emotions, where you take out all the things humans have been taught to think and do.
Why I ended up in these groups is that mental illness is from abuse, there people who are not able to cope with abuse and the thing about abuse is that its all bull shit, you work out who the abusers are, why they do it, you understand it on all levels, you will not be able to be abused so easily. Its very hard to be abused when your emotions don’t respond to it. For the sake of an easy example is being called a stupid ugly pig by your partner will lower your self -esteem if you start to feel his words , as you get lower and lower you start to even believe it or you start to suffer, then an abuser has you in a position to turn the screws in a number of confusing ways and you become to week to fight back and begin to believe and all things negative start to hurt more and more and positive things you cant accept. But you wont be no psycho or narcissist is going to sit there trying there trickery on a self confident person looking at them for what the words really mean, and that’s nothing really. They pick there targets and are not looking for a self confident person that will basically destroy there ego by looking at the situation for what it is. The psychopath will have no interest and you protect by default. I am extremely care full not to hurt em in any way. There would be no point and they will straight up end the conversation and block you. There disorder shows massive amounts of strength like there indestructible even, but at the end of the day they are in the extremely abused category, there in mental pain beyond what you can fatham, so why would I want to hurt them with more abuse. There self aware and still fighting for there mental health and not become the person that did this to them, but there way of thinking now is so off and there understanding emotionally is so small that its not possible to recover. Its hard enough for any recove always just felt good just normal, I’m like the most laid back person you could meet. A lot of things that I don’t care about, its not that I don’t care so much, its more that I don’t even have the ability to even have my mind think this way, Ive always been like it. All things imaginary, creative, design, art, religion beliefs spirituality even negativity are not anything I will argue with, id encourage a lot f the stuff I don’t care about even, Ive nothing against them. I more just have blank as the way I look at it. I wouldn’t even try to think about this, it all just feels like a never ending thought to me that I don’t process, it doesn’t do anything for me and the interest is so low that I would see an ant walk by and that would by far be of more interest. I am like that, I will never try and understand it, and I don’t think it I could if I tried. Sure there a situations when this is the topic and like all people you deflect away from this when you can back into your safe areas which to be honest are not that wide ranging. But I care about a lot of things and think very logically about them, have my ideals, morals and there set in stone, only life experience can adjust me and I adjust in full to what ever I need to. I think I can explain why I’m like this as seeing everything as solvable or best effort to solve. Im a mathematician, you would say by nature, numbers make sense, numbers are my solace and what I remember, its what I understand and I guess would be in the top .01% of people. Any self-doubter or low-self esteem type man might of not survived this kind of abuse she was dishing out. You leave or get destroyed basically.very.
Depression and anxiety I have seen recover, not with medication, only with in how the way emotions can work, not in any ways that are done currently.
But emotions all work the same, there never completely broken as there no tangible, and as I became stronger and used my emotions more out of necessity(long story strong emotions,,,another blog) I was able to feel the things that make you week and the things that make you strong. I can only talk from a pure mental stand point as I have never been through or felt the effects of physical and sexual abuse. It has been explained to me in depth from many that it is all mental but the physical abuse I can only guess to its effects and for me emotionally having to make you body go back into a place that isn’t safe over and over as a young child, trying to rationalise that with everyone around you just ignoring the issue I see as a complete breaking point for me. People go through it but, for me I cant see me getting through it, so I don’t understand.
Basically keeping strong on a simple level is having strong self esteem, Not exposing your self to negative situations. Keeping your mind unclutterd and not involved in repeatative mind numbing cyclical negative thoughts of self doubt, worry. Having your mind thinking clearly analysing situations in a positive way and feeling good about thinking good. With loss of confidence and self esteem, you become less and less likely to just think rationally by switching on you mind and getting to good solutions and negative thoughts, and negative people in your life who may be putting you and confusing you become more and more believable and you become less and less strong to be able to fight this. Your brain slows to being a reactionary tool to get through these situations and is used as a cyclical thought to go over and over to repeat there abuse in your head instead of being able to rationalise what it is and dispose of it in the bull shit bin. It gets to you and you start to suffer and look for some kind of merci and understanding and you put your emotions out to be treated with care, a bit of love as you are not doing well, you hope that there is a break as it all you can see as this is how you think and feel and part of you is often attached to this person in some confusing way that your not quiet shore of and over and over you get crushed doing this and the person crushing seems strong and you going for the help in the wrong way. Emotionally you will never really understand what was going on and in your head the abuse stays there as you cant ever work out why this happen.. This is like a base process that will send you down, Its magnified and much larger in real life, with a stack of variables, but I know how my emotions work and there are certain thing that are a must in recovery.
First thing is to understand how emotions work. Just believing your unlucky or you were abused is not going to do it. You have to understand the process of what happened, Your emotions need to feel that you have worked this out and any non understanding will just rotate in your head and have no effect, Having an understanding will at least put you in a position to be able to see if possible that you are able to remove the abuse from your life. Obviously recovery will be highly dependable on you removing the cause. Then understanding how abuse works and what are the characteristics that abuse people are, feeds your emotions in a confidence way and your not as scared to put yourself back in to potensial abuse situations. To get an understanding on this concept is not easy, but it is a base to recovery.
You then need to understand how certain things you have listened to and with children are not correct, some thing in your mnd are there for reason as you cant solve them, trying to be focused and use your mind to work things out with a solution based approach ad understand why you head is always cluttered is another key. You just need to understand this and start going in the right direction. Your emotions need to feel the positive rational way you are using you mind instead of a stuck mind overthinking the same stuff, Your emotions need to feel an open mind thinking straight and experiencing fresh new things all the time. You need to understand how an abused mind stops becomes dependant on others and listens to the wrong people the circles is pain and doesn’t find a way to an answer. Understand what as a minimum a brain and emotions need to have a chance. There are going to be thoughts in your head on some level that are brain washy and don’t need to be in your thought process then anto recovery with thing that make your strong and away from thing that you week. Getting a good grasp on this and putting it all together so your emotions can feel like you have an understanding and see your using your own thought process and and not a bush of reverse put downs that it will never make sense of and this as a type of base for recovery and add thigs too it, going in the right direction is the goal, and then in time building your self esteem that will become more a life style if your are able to get the ball rolling. Getting an understanding how positive thoughts work and negative thoughts work is very important. It’s a while thought process change here so its probably not easy, but it is so key as you have many thoughts in a day. Getting your thought of negativety of your self and positive to whats around you is a cyclical process that will go in the right direction. Being able to analyse your whole life to get the required point that will get your emotions heading in the right direction. If your job doesn’t allow for much thought look for options long term, don’t just repeat I hate my job for the rest of your life, and in the mean time you got to do extra to get you mind ticking over. Not liking your job and it being a big part of life, your emotions need to understand that more in terms of you are doing your best in the job you have and will look for opportunities and the are worse jobs out there, If your down mentally its not enough to cruise like other people back to health. Your in a spot and you have to drive like a well oiled machine for you to have any chance will have to be your mentality and this thought of its all too hard need to be reflective of what it really is and a lot of negative thought of what they really are and that is complete rubbish. There is nothing hard about living a positive life, its just a change so you don’t end up living the most gruelling and painfull existence that is hard way to live.. the easy way to do nothing is the hard way, and its not close and all these thoughts like this will have to be sorted , you start and you just do and overtime the mountain gets less and less. There needs to be an overall plan. Currently all I see in mental health is ignore the abuse, talk about how it makes you fell, possibly as a vent to someone who cant relate to any type of abuse and never been there. Your mentality has got to reflect the seriousness of the situation. Its is a situation that will never go away from hope or any thing else, no on will help you and no body cares. The people who care are support nothing near what is required to help you. You need to be able to help your self, understand the process. If you just think I am doing all I am and have a psych meeting once a fortnight, that’s as good as saying, I cant use my brain to think and a psych will help me as he is trained in mental health. Yeah sure he might be able to help you if your stuck on one thing out of 1000 and looking for some advice that lines up with your way of thinking, but they probably really are at work doing there job and the last 20 people are all similar and don’t think and just want someone to listen to them and the psych is having needing to drink ten beers from all the negative takes on life he has just heard and stopped really listening 2 yrs ago
Now after going deep into areas I had no idea of how big effect it has on life, some thing and it can be culture dependant are even holding back mental health, but all come back to the original concept. Your emotions are how you have been brought up, you got a depressed mum she going to teach you how to be negative and this will be your thought process, your dad a muslim extremist, your going to believe there are 43 virgin waiting for you at deaths door if you blow your self up, you come from bum fuck Idaho in America you may think its time to get married cause your 18, you may think prostitutes are whores, that dumb people are tradesman, that psychopaths are bad people that you can see, that noah has an arc, depressed people are week, that how you think is best, drugs are bad, army people should be admired for defending the country, that if you had money you would be happy, that you understand your child hood, you make believe that news stories are all factual, some people are born bad, some believe its dirty to eat pig, some cows, people think Chinese eat dogs, some people think carry guns is the only way while police in England are not allowed to have em even. I not saying any thing about any of these points, you have even been through em and you know or someone told you and in some way influenced you. Nearly everything has been learnt of someone else or its an invention I guess, most things are true and not worth thinking about and wouldn’t matter if you did any way. But depending on who you are and how you turned out emotionally, there might need to be a rethink.
We were all born good, same emotionally, and your emotions are strong enough to take a beating and survive with the normal care of a parent. If your’s are low there is a reason, rule out any fault of your own and get a picture of why and you might begin to understand what its really all about. If you been all over the place mentally from when you could remember, there is a reason for that. There is a reason why most people do not get mentally ill, there is a reason some people are heartless. It may relate to you mental ill and you been abused, you not mentally ill and you were allowed to develop emotionally and are now strong, you may be heartless because you have no feeling for others and the abuse you suffered has turned you into this type of abuser and now you prey on the week to feel good.
I haven’t a clue of anything to do with mental health except what I seen my self. No pre-concived ideas. I know nothing of America but will give this example as they have a lot of people and is easy to see this way.
NDP or Narcissist is by far the biggest issue from my observations, Lets say 1% of people have this disorder, it is way higher. America has 300 million people that is 3 Million who have this disorder. Yet no one knows about it, no one understands it and every now and then a big story hits that some sicko had imprisoned there own children for 15 years until they escaped there under weight, some were sexually abused and its forgotten and lucky this sicko is going to jail. Ok now when you understand disorder and I mean properly and not many people do, straight away I know this is from a particular type of disorder that will do this. There is not such thing a random sicko doing this from just being evil. Break it down to what they really did. They imprisoned there own children(control), they did it for 15 years(no feeling), not a day they went by where they thought that’s wrong(no remorse) and the kid escaped or they be there another 20(no merci). None of them were dead(lets no be thinking this is because they loved there children), so they wanted them alive and suffering.)The oldest may have been 13 when the imprisonment began(she would of at that age been showing sign of abuse and may have been starting to think about getting help or even said something to the parents(extreme secretcy) every one imprisoned(will not risk exposure). Everyone in the neighbour hood didn’t suspect a thing. I cant remember the story there were like 10 kids and no one suspected a thing. The parent seemed normal. Ok all disorders parents seem normal, they act completely normal except to the very very few that can tell after a few conversations if your looking for that, No psych will be able to. Any disorder that needs the suffering of others to feed its ego need a special trick to survive time or long ago it would of died off so in 15 years they will never, not once let you know, they will not tell you, they will avoid you If you if you are not the easy to cn type, and you could look them in the eye all day long and you will not get the slightest bit of an indication there lying to you. They have no remorse it wont show. You see the persona and there good people, you soon forget that 10 fricking kids seemed to of disappeared into thin air as youno mind can piece together 2 niece parents kids gone. So this is not the 3 million im talking about, its just something that came to mind. This disorder is the same as my ex partner. It’s the grand daddy of em all. The only disorder that can act like this is a malignant narcissist, Nothing else will do any of this. There isn’t such thing as some body going crazy and just doing it. It the only one and not a doubt. I don’t know why it was mentioned that they were not feed properly, that would be the least of there problems, ad hygiene or anything else you would think of. They long ago would of went into extreme mental illnesses at a very young age the whole lot of em, Then no help and abuse with complete boredom for this amount of time they all would of gladly rather died than go through this, they were keep alive so they could suffer and a malignant narcissist would of turned that into them being there kids saviour. They wouldn’t of been just left there and forgotten, there parents would have been down there preying on them and made to praise there parents
But a regular narcissist operates in a similar fashion, usually they will prey on there partner or there kids. They don’t see the problem as the disorder thinks only of its self, The kids go through a life time of abuse and because that parent will only even show that side that is normal and will act all caring and insinuate blame on other and always reflect them self as positive they don’t seem like the type, when there partner finally works it out people cant believe that this man or women would do such a thing and that person long ago would have been planting negative things about person who one day will expose that person. Every time people go with the abuser as it’s the only possible way there mind can work and its not possible to believe there is such a lying cunning person able to hide the truth so brilliantly, Nostridarmous would not be able to piece it together unless he has been through something similar, but if some every talks about this, you know there not making it up, or imagining it. You have to go through it or you cant relate. Psych war are basically there for the children of these parent, all the long term abused women are from these men.
I think its really difficult to understand a lot of this but its something I just wrote as a basic thought and each little point need a book when it come to an in depth thought, im going to split it up into ten parts as no body just reads massive amounts and will add like proof type example of chatting to disorder. It may not even seem like there is a point, and I think im a long way off understanding a lot of things but this is where im at and nothing will be able to be disputed with any thing but preconceived ideas. A main point im also look like heading down is this emotional base that seems to be developing that its better not to use your brains or your thoughts as you will get shot down by those who have pre-concived type brain wash thoughts where there is no getting through. I will quickly write about this topic as well as its kinda where it all began.
I can see religion is quiet big in America compared to Australia. There also might be the case, but maybe its just the size, that there got a more therapy options, but none of it works any way, but there got plenty of seriously abuse people.
But I know what a victim of abuse will and will not say, certain things we only know about and anything that don’t look right just hits me square in the face and I’ve never been wrong once. And even with certain mental illness you here a load of crap and then you might get the reason or the answer you were looking for, Mental illness does not just come forward with clear answers from people abused and confused way of thinking. There abuse do it often in a way hat puts blame back on the child, responsibility and there bee brain washed so hard that there even telling the parents story. It s like completely normal. I wont sit there talking about a problem if I know it the parents, if I see any profile of the parents with out feelings or emotions I can pick it how they write there sentances, with other family member match it up and a range of things, A grown women who acts in a certain way with disorders that I first got to know will always come from this narcissist mother, sometimes father. I don’t go out looking to tell someone there mothers a narc, but im not lying either and there hoping for a answer one day, 15 years of more therapy than you could ever handle and no one has even mentioned the problem. Its hard for them to work something out and if it was easy the would of, but telling them gives them a little hope of one getting out of the abuse and it a state that is livable mentally, it wont stop there mental illness, a lot of that will be there till the end. In society is is dead easy to be talking to someone for a while who may be a psychopath from how they project what there talking about and away from feeling, people with depression and anxiety will also stand out when you know hot disorders work. The conversation will be doubt and questions that are answered with more issue and will feel like a never ending story with no point to it, negative bits to there thinking and what they write and a depression support group, im sure is benifical as there are like minded people but if some one write “I am a good for nothing “ on there there will be a rush of support with me too and im worse.
Going back to religion in America, you do get the odd person with a very religious type post that will be the parent trying to show concern about the son and when you understand how manipulation works from these few abusive disorder and how some one with feeling and genuine concern with express them selves completely different to an abuser they might as well post on there that they are abusing there child and and you lot are too stupid to know. Its usually when a parent has seen indication from there abused child that there is still fight left in them and they are turning possible criminal and getting support that way or a partner has entered the scene, In some cases there even over abused and the parent need to get a water tight story together and feels it may contribute to her story that shows a history of care. But religion has no part in a conversation I have especially about mental illness. Emotions were around and there way they are way before people started talking about religion and I seen a bit of the parent showing care with a few or basically every second word about god and it can start a frenzy of people wishing this guy who is there abuser of people praying for him , god bless everything, Its not enough to get 50 people saying the same thing and people still need to poor more on. Nothing against it, but it is complete movement from the issue and more of a issue in this regard. It might go something like this “My son is a drug addict, I pray for him all day, He refuses to believe he is not skitzophenic from drugs and wont quit, please say a pray with me and hope god will save him” So skitzophrenia cant be caused form drug use, it’s a major mental illness from extreme violent abuse. The last thing a real percent would be worried about is there kid smoking a joint with this illness, and is common for skitzo to smoke this if it calms the anxiety. A concerned parent will not blab that there child is a drug addict before going into how good they are with there pray and how they are trying to show there help by getting off the drugs. But I’m not going to just hit this bloke square in the eyes and most of the skitzo’s are just so abused they don’t want any aggression shown is support, and all of them come from big time abuse and they would know as well as anyone that you cant have these voices pounding down in there head with a nice up bringing, If you didn’t have that ingrained abuse in your system you would simple come straight out of a skitzophrenic state. Serious mental illness and there all bad need to a a sustained and history to them , you cant really be in a state of mental illness where you have developed good emotions with good self-esteem. You know like your voices are not from unimaginable things, the devil look like it does in the cartoon book, there is no positive happy type skitz, it is like hell coming down on your mind with relentless never ending aggression. There aint no wiggles cuddles and safety loving teddy bears in there voices… But I don’t want to start anything and have done to many time before and people don’t get it and see it as not enough proof .. But I will drop him a comment to let him no its not smooth sailing for this abuser. “you can not get skitzophrenia from drug use and u know”, and get back a thank and prayers attached, and hit then again”I don’t know anything about religion mate, I was never taught that, I just know about how abuse causes mental illness” (bless you bless you I will pray for him). And last thing as now it’s a rant if you wondering about mental illness is the more hard line muslim countries, even Pakistan and India, these place are swimming in it. No idea what they even attempt to do there. Will be the same result, but for someone not brought up religious there just too intence over there with there repetitiveness, its something bad for your mind, you cant talk about anything from what I can see with out the religion even being the focus, you could have 15000 people hitting the god bless button for any reason.

HOPE—sounds like it all i got, but its weekends you..

I will always have hope, but it hurts when you drop your guard just a little when it comes to this sort of disorder

Today i had that feeling of hope running through my body today, It had been a while since id had this feeling, but i remembered it well. I get it when i try something that i hope will better my situation by rely on someone or organisation and it comes to nothing, today i had this weakness type feel even before everyone has ignored me. It all  started when i seen a post from this kid on facebook.””im going to be on a current affair” He is not a friend but someone i had met in the mental institution. He is 19 and a type of non-violent psychopath in a vegitative state. They had him diagnosed as Bi-Polar and the first day he come into my room  and just sat down. Deep voice that never changed and said Im Jarod im Bi-polar and im really smart and have an iq of 142. He told me some other things about how good he is as well. I gave him a number pattern that about 99% of people wouldn’t get and he got it. They kicked him out and every time i looked up he was staring through the window of the door at me like a zombie. The next morning about 4 o clock you could hear this voice all through the ward and after a bit i jumped out of bed and and thought “i know that monotone type sound” hes a bloody malignant narcissist the same as my ex-partner” and he was. His mum was on this current affair show saying that the hospital turned him away. At the end of it she said “when i visited jarod in hospital he was banging his head on the concrete and frothing at the mouth and the nurse said No he is not he is sleep” All complete bull shit. The real reason was that his mum found out that i knew he was a malignant narcissist and she got scared and got him out. The reason he is a vegetable is from the abuse from her, but i didn’t give a shit, i sent in my story to the show as well. I wrote that there is serious problems down there, i was there for 62 days, i have no history of mental illness or violence and my psycho ex put me in there and said she was terrified of me. They believed it and wouldn’t let me out, destroyed my business and diagnosed me with a delusion disorder of malignant narcissism (doesn’t exist) and i have proof that she is, but these doctors wouldn’t take a look. I’ve attached just one video for now as most of em have her in them or my older boy and for now i better not show em. This is my little one, sweetest little boy ever, scared shitless of his mother and taken so she can abuse him. Haven’t seen him in 9 months and not even a report of his well being. Malignant’s don’t have feelings so i wont be getting one either. Anyhow i have about 1000 videos and 200,000 pictures she took in secret of how they abuse. Its all brain washing and images of the kids suffering. So basically i am the only person ever to see the abuse process. This disorder is secretive and would never risk getting caught but i got these by accident. With in icloud there is also a secret icloud, there you can put things and it bypasses the usual one that can be shared. She would then send them via team viewer straight to her parents in germany so they could see them getting abused. They have the disorder to. Before she left she hacked the computer i think and linked her cloud onto my computer and found out i could see the latest photos she was taking. I could see the boys were terrified and she cut access straight away. I know she has hard drives of something she never showed me, She must of deleted the secret library and i had just smashed my phone. I used a data recovery tool to get the pictures off it i needed and ended up recovering all her shit to by chance. I thought that will get me the boys back but as of yet it aint that easy. Anyhow being diagnosed with a delusion and have about 300 gigs of her own proof is about the dumbest thing i ever saw. I will give you a indication of how long 62 days is.. Attempted suicide will get out the next day. So i told the tv show and also about this suicide to juice up my case a bit more and maybe, possibly(hope) that will get my boys back. This type of psycho works like this. Once exposed as in others know, they will drop the kids even (she has nothing but hate for them anyway) and will relocate. Writting in to the tv show is not something i really want and nothing of it yet, but i will do anything to get em safe. I also tried with other organizations and when you do something that gives you hope it is such a week emotion compared to the hightened state im in that you feel sick nearly. I know its just a day but i remembered it from the start when i was telling my story and no one would or could believe it and all this child protection stuff i thought was in place is not.

Meet my boy,  He is about two months old. To most this is odd, certainly impossible to justify. To a malignant the abuse starts early and its never physical. The hot air and noise will scare the living shit out of a two month old, But when a baby feels air, it causes a reflex action to hold there breathe, The second child is abused sadistically. There is about ten of these with the hairdryer. She was doing it every day to him. Malignant do the same thing over and over. Everyday feels like the same when your with one.